Hi, I’m Dr. Parik Patel, BA, CFA, ACCA, Esq. If you don’t know me already, I’m a Chartered Finmeme Analyst (CFA) with a particular expertise in #stonk valuation (pro-tip: just multiply by two).
I was born in Gujarat, India, and growing up I showed early signs of financial genius. When I was just four-years-old, I taught myself partial differential equations and came up with the Black-Scholes model for options pricing, only for it to be stolen by those eponymous “market researchers”….🤔
I did my BA and PhD at Harvard University where I specialized in econometrics, only to realize that it was totally useless because stocks only go up. I made my name in finance working as an energy trader and quickly rising to becoming the CFO of Enron. Things got a little sticky with the SEC (stands for Suck Elon’s C___ for a reason!) so I had to flee the US for a while. Been kicking it with my barred bros Julian Assange and D.B. Cooper ever since! (John McAfee used to make the occasional cameo, but he was too clingy and we nixed him from the entourage.)
Now I’m back — under a brand new name and identity. I analyze and write about stocks, memes, and everything in between. I’ve been called the “modern day Benjamin Graham” by none other than national treasure Martin Shkreli. Anyways, I’ve been told that I have a particularly special insight into the world of finance and memes, so the team at Bullish asked me to create a regular round-up to help explain what the hell happened this week… and then offer my “diagnosis” of the virality.
This week was an undeniable milestone for #stonks, memes, and #memestonks alike. After the subreddit /r/WallStreetBets banded together to push GameStop to the moon, Melvin Capital, the US-based hedge fund, had to be bailed out of their short position by fellow funds Citadel and Point72. In case you didn’t think that was crazy enough, Robinhood all but killed their company after halting trading on a range of meme stocks. The retail broker has been forced to draw down on some of its credit lines, tapping at least several hundred million dollars after customers angrily withdrew their funds from the platform. Bigs stuff is going down, but what does it MEME? So, without further ado, let’s dive into Dr. Parik’s Meme Diagnosis of the Week…
Summary: The story of the week was GameStop ($GME). This loss-making video game retailer with 5,000 stores across the US saw its stock surge this week, at one point going up a whopping 385%.
How did it happen? In one word, /r/WallStreetBets. This Reddit forum with over 5 million “degenerates” (the group’s nickname for its members) realized that if they worked together, they could inflate the share price of this nostalgia brand and force-short sellers to cover in the process, pushing the stock price even higher.
Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: The real moral of this sorry tale is to never short a stock. When you short a company you are rooting for a part of the American economy to fail. It’s un-American. It is, and there’s no other way of putting this, domestic terrorism. Short-sellers like Andrew Left and Melvin Capital would do well to remember that going forward.
Summary: The entire saga became so popular that even Elon Musk, who recently overtook Jeff Bezos to become the wealthiest man in the world, decided to get in on the fun, tweeting a link to the /r/WallStreetBets reddit forum with the word “Gamestonk!!”
Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: The power of the meme has never been more significant. Elon didn’t become the richest man in the world for no reason. He became the richest man in the world because he tweets memes. If you learn one thing from this column, make it this: memes can make you extraordinarily wealthy and help you live a long and fulfilling life.
Summary: After the stock was pumped up by the /r/WallStreetBets community and catalyzed by Elon’s tweet, short-sellers like hedge-fund Melvin Capital were crushed and took on heavy losses. In fact, Melvin’s losses were so great that fellow-funds Citadel and Point72 had to infuse close to $3 billion into Melvin to bail them out.
Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: I’ll say it again: short-selling is domestic terrorism. I cannot stress this point enough. It’s also totally irrational. Why would you short a stock when stocks only go up?
Summary: The GameStop squeeze is making people take a step back and reconsider the decisions they’ve made in the past. It’s never really about the money. It’s about the friends (and lovers) we made along the way.
Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: So if this GameStop situation is making you rethink some of your choices, or it’s pushing you to maybe text that special someone, don’t overthink it. Reach into your pocket, grab your phone, and STEAL THIS LINE. If she doesn’t get it, she’s not the one for you.
Summary: And if you thought things couldn’t get ANY CRAZIER, after Robinhood restricted trading for several hot stocks including GameStop and AMC Entertainment, Ted Cruz and AOC actually agreed on something! This is as rare as oil and water mixing…
Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: It’s nice to know that in a time of division and animosity, when nothing seems to unite people, memes and #stonks were able to bring America together. Never underestimate the power of the meme.
So there you have it! This week in memes. Now here’s what the doctor is prescribing:
- Never short stocks. That is terrorism.
- Post memes on Twitter to become rich and successful
- Don’t be afraid to message that special someone about holding the line, and if she doesn’t get the meme, she’s not the one for you.
~ Dr. PP out